You are about to try something new and slightly intimidating.
You are about to get up in front of your peers to give a speech or presentation.
You are rehearsing the speech you plan to give your boss, asking for a raise you know you deserve.
You are about to have a much overdue heart to heart conversation with a loved one.
What is the one common denominator going on in all these events?? You are NERVOUS!
So often we spend so much energy trying to NOT be nervous. Here’s the thing…you are still going to be nervous in these types of situations. In my opinion, the reason you are nervous is because you care, this is important to you. It’s something that matters. You’ve often worked long and hard to be in this position, or it’s something you’ve been wanting to do, or thinking about, for a long time.
It if wasn’t important to you, you wouldn’t care as much and probably wouldn’t be nearly as nervous. Am I right?
So instead of putting all your energy into fighting your nerves, which quite frankly probably aren’t going anywhere, why not put your energy into being better prepared, and more confident, as you enter the situation.
This concept isn’t completely my own. I heard radio talk show host, Bobby Bones, talking about it earlier this week. I’m not sure if it was something he had read or heard from somebody else, but it any event, it really stuck me as something that could be helpful to others, so I wanted to share it as well.
New activity you are tackling? Make a pros vs cons list. Focus on why you want to do the thing in the first place. How excited, fulfilled, happy, confident will you feel after completing it?
Getting ready for a public speaking engagement? Practice. Rehearse. Know your material. Be confident. Go into your presentation ready to deliver your material, ready to make a difference, to enlighten, to encourage, to educate your audience.
Asking for a raise? Have your talking points ready. Be prepared to share specific accomplishments. Competitive analysis is helpful; what are others with your education, experience, expertise making in similar industries, competing companies, etc. You are, and always will be, your best advocate. Don’t be afraid to toot your own horn. Oftentimes, your hard work and accomplishments are simply not known by those in the position to adjust your salary.
Needing to have a serious, maybe even difficult, conversation with a loved one? How important are they to you? Don’t you owe it to them to let them know how you are truly feeling? Will your relationship benefit positively in the long run if/when you have this conversation? Prepare you thoughts ahead of time and go into the conversation with a loving and open heart. You’ll thank yourself later.
Friends, the nervousness isn’t going anywhere. Remind yourself that you are nervous because you care. In all the examples provided above, you are nervous over potentially good things in your life. Things you can be thankful for. Things that will help you grow as a person. So often people are nervous over difficult and painful things they are facing in life…a sick loved one in the hospital, the loss of a job, an uncertain medical diagnosis, etc. But this isn’t you right now, you are nervous about a good thing!
The next time you feel nervous because of an upcoming event that has the potential to be POSITIVE to your life, your career, your relationships, be thankful. Invest your energy into preparation. Accept your nerves as simply a by-product of caring.
Now go out and do the thing!
Ever notice how people wear “being busy” or “being a hot mess” as a badge of honor? Ask them how they are doing and they are always so busy, so slammed, telling you what a hot mess they are.
Not how I want to be known!
I prefer these adjectives. ✨
Do I have a full a full schedule? Yes.
Do I have a lot going on? You bet.
Do I have a lot of commitments? Sure do.
But here’s the thing. I take care of myself. I make myself a priority. I don’t try to do everything at 100%, all of the time. I set priorities for my week, my day. I always make sure there is “me time” built into my schedule.
Those busy, running around with their hair on fire, hot mess people? They are going to say they don’t have any time for themselves. Here’s the thing: You need to MAKE THE TIME and there is nothing wrong with making yourself a priority!
I know this: When I feel better, am more relaxed, more happy, more rested, I’m a better (fill in the blank) to everybody else! A better mom, a better wife, a better friend.
Let this resonate with you. Taking care of yourself is NOT SELFISH. It’s one of the best things you can do for those you love.
xo Bec 🌻
It just might be time for a Friendship Inventory.
I’ve heard it said that you are most like the 5 people you spend the majority of your time with. LOOK AROUND. Are they who you want to emulate? Do they possess opinions/beliefs that you want to adopt for yourself? Are they kind? Are they loyal? Do they strive to grow, to continue to learn, to stretch themselves, to work towards goals and bettering themselves and their surroundings? Are they happy?
These are qualities/values that are important to me; things that I am personally working on.
So when I look around at my friends, family, who I’m choosing to spend time with, if I don’t see these same qualities/values in them, I have to stop and ask myself, why am I spending time with them.
Have you ever been in a great mood, then interact with somebody who is a “Debbie Downer” (sorry to the cheerful Debbie’s out there!) and all the sudden you notice your mood dropping. Maybe irritation starts to swoop in. You find yourself jumping on the negativity train and talking poorly about somebody or a situation that “Debbie” has an issue with.
WAIT!! What just happened??
You just picked up Debbie’s negative energy and she sucked you down into her funk.
When I accidentally let this happen, I get so irritated with myself. This isn’t who I want to be! This isn’t the mood I want to be in! This isn’t how I want to present myself to the world.
Then on the flip side, do you have that “Susie Sunshine” friend who makes you happy and puts a smile on your face every time you see her? She is fun to be around, puts you in a better mood, and makes you feel better about yourself when you are in her presence?
Yes, THAT GIRL! That is who I want to be. The person who puts a smile on somebody’s face when they see me. Again, it’s the same thing happening here. You pick up Susie’s positive energy and rise up to her level.
People’s vibes are contagious…trust me. So what do you do?
You choose wisely who you spend your time with! You seek out friendships with people who inspire you. You make sure you aren’t the smartest person in the room, because if you are, what do you have to learn?
You limit your time with people who “suck the life” or positive energy from you. You limit, or eliminate, time spent with people who have no desire to grow, to learn, to improve. They do not bring out the best in you. They are not your tribe.
But what if you are related to those people? Ouch, now this can be tricky. You probably aren’t going to completely eliminate them from your life. Although there are people who are so toxic, this might be necessary. But in most instances, you can simply limit the time spent with them. You choose when you see them, or interact with them. You choose how much of your time and energy to give to them.
Then you move on to YOUR TRIBE! Your peeps. The people who inspire, uplift and encourage you, those you look up to, learn from. Seek out as much time as possible with these people. They will elevate you and help to level up your life. They will nourish your soul.
So friend, go ahead and take a friendship inventory today. Choose wisely. We are talking about your energy, your sanity, your life. Want to be better? Hang out with better!