You are about to try something new and slightly intimidating.
You are about to get up in front of your peers to give a speech or presentation.
You are rehearsing the speech you plan to give your boss, asking for a raise you know you deserve.
You are about to have a much overdue heart to heart conversation with a loved one.
What is the one common denominator going on in all these events?? You are NERVOUS!
So often we spend so much energy trying to NOT be nervous. Here’s the thing…you are still going to be nervous in these types of situations. In my opinion, the reason you are nervous is because you care, this is important to you. It’s something that matters. You’ve often worked long and hard to be in this position, or it’s something you’ve been wanting to do, or thinking about, for a long time.
It if wasn’t important to you, you wouldn’t care as much and probably wouldn’t be nearly as nervous. Am I right?
So instead of putting all your energy into fighting your nerves, which quite frankly probably aren’t going anywhere, why not put your energy into being better prepared, and more confident, as you enter the situation.
This concept isn’t completely my own. I heard radio talk show host, Bobby Bones, talking about it earlier this week. I’m not sure if it was something he had read or heard from somebody else, but it any event, it really stuck me as something that could be helpful to others, so I wanted to share it as well.
New activity you are tackling? Make a pros vs cons list. Focus on why you want to do the thing in the first place. How excited, fulfilled, happy, confident will you feel after completing it?
Getting ready for a public speaking engagement? Practice. Rehearse. Know your material. Be confident. Go into your presentation ready to deliver your material, ready to make a difference, to enlighten, to encourage, to educate your audience.
Asking for a raise? Have your talking points ready. Be prepared to share specific accomplishments. Competitive analysis is helpful; what are others with your education, experience, expertise making in similar industries, competing companies, etc. You are, and always will be, your best advocate. Don’t be afraid to toot your own horn. Oftentimes, your hard work and accomplishments are simply not known by those in the position to adjust your salary.
Needing to have a serious, maybe even difficult, conversation with a loved one? How important are they to you? Don’t you owe it to them to let them know how you are truly feeling? Will your relationship benefit positively in the long run if/when you have this conversation? Prepare you thoughts ahead of time and go into the conversation with a loving and open heart. You’ll thank yourself later.
Friends, the nervousness isn’t going anywhere. Remind yourself that you are nervous because you care. In all the examples provided above, you are nervous over potentially good things in your life. Things you can be thankful for. Things that will help you grow as a person. So often people are nervous over difficult and painful things they are facing in life…a sick loved one in the hospital, the loss of a job, an uncertain medical diagnosis, etc. But this isn’t you right now, you are nervous about a good thing!
The next time you feel nervous because of an upcoming event that has the potential to be POSITIVE to your life, your career, your relationships, be thankful. Invest your energy into preparation. Accept your nerves as simply a by-product of caring.
Now go out and do the thing!
Confidence is defined as a feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities. Plastic surgeons have long built successful careers by marketing their ability to improve your confidence by making you feel better about yourself and how you look. Not quite as drastic as plastic surgery, but would improving your skin help you feel more confident? Would clearing up your acne make you feel more confident? Would reducing fine lines, wrinkles, spots from age or accumulated sun damage make you feel more confident?
Whether you are required to stand up in front of a group of colleagues to give presentations, meet with potential or current clients, or interact with other moms at school and sporting events, we all see people in our day-to-day lives…and they see us. Many of us struggle with self confidence because we are not happy with our appearance. Truth be told, and I believe we all know this deep down, we are our own toughest critic. I’m reminded of this almost daily as I talk with my teenage children and try to remember this myself. Yet, I still find myself worrying over a newly spotted line around my eyes or the occasional blemish on my face. While others may not even notice, we think they notice, these insecurities often are responsible for decreasing our self-confidence.
In transitioning from the corporate world to building my own skincare business with Rodan + Fields, I have learned three things about myself. Yes, I am selling skincare which can help to improve our outward appearance, decrease our insecurities, and improve our self-confidence; but, quite unexpectedly, through this transition, I am learning so much more about myself. Read on.
1. I have found my passion. “Choose a job you love and you will never have to work a day in your life” – Confucius. I have heard that expression for years and can honestly say that I “get it” now. Years spent working in a field I was not passionate about has given me such an appreciation for loving every minute I dedicate to my new “job”. I must remind myself, at times, to stop “working” because I am finally and completely passionate about my new career path.
2. I enjoy mentoring others. In my corporate career I have had some amazing leaders and some that were lacking in their leadership abilities. I am thankful for the opportunity to be the leader I always wanted for myself! Being able to coach and assist others in finding their own success and confidence is even more rewarding than achieving my own success.
3. Helping others gain confidence in their lives brings me joy. It may come from assisting a customer with their skincare needs and celebrating with them when they finally see the results they were hoping for. Perhaps it’s helping a new business partner launch their business, helping them place their first customer order, or strategizing on how to implement social media into their business plan. All these successes lead to the same thing…CONFIDENCE. The happy customer who has improved the appearance of their skin may now have the confidence boost they’ve been looking for to take on something new in their life. The confidence a new business partner gains after a few initial successes may be the boost they need to propel them to greatness. As I come into contact and touch the lives of so many people with my new business, not only does this give me joy, but yes, you guessed it…my confidence is increasing as well.
I no longer look at my skincare business as simply selling somebody an eye cream. I am helping others gain confidence and that is empowering!
Recently I found myself reminiscing about a job I held WAY BACK IN THE DAY – 28 years ago to be exact!
Quite frankly, I’m marveling at my own bravery.
I was NOT athletic as a child. Not much interest, old school thinking parents and a dad with a strict dress code were some of the reasons I just never gave anything athletic a try.
Then when I went to college I started running on my own. It wasn’t an intense training schedule, but a few times a week you could find me heading out for a jog. I was interested in attending aerobics classes, many of my friends did, but when I’d peek in at them, everybody seemed to know what they were doing and I felt too intimated to venture in, so I didn’t.
Fast forward a few years.
I marry a US Marine, move on base, don’t have a job at the moment, and have a lot of time on my hands. So, I finally decide to step out of my comfort and start attending a morning aerobics class.
Guess what? I loved it and start attending several times per week. I thought I may – one day – even like to teach it. I stayed after class one morning to talk with my instructor to ask her how one would go about getting certified to teach. As it turns out, the “Semper Fit” program on base was looking to hire some additional instructors and the next thing I know she is offering to train me.
So just three short months after taking my FIRST aerobics class EVER, I was in front of a class team teaching!
CRAZY! That took a lot of SELF-CONFIDENCE and I’m really not sure where my 23 year old self pulled it from! But I did it.
📌 The point of this memory is to point out that YOU CAN DO HARD THINGS. YOU CAN DO SCARY THINGS. YOU CAN, and should, STEP OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE.
📌 Stepping out of my comfort zone, asking for the opportunity, welcoming the new person, heck, making the phone call to introduce myself when I WAS THE NEW PERSON are all skills that I mastered by being a military spouse!
📌 In case you didn’t realize….military spouses kick a$$ and I’m thankful for the opportunity to have been one!